Sno(roa)ring blues......

Sno(roa)ring blues......

Agency News

If sleep is one of the greatest boons in daily life, the snoring is the worst bane within. A mimicry artist is capable of imitating the sounds of many  animals or birds with patient learning and practice. But the grunt of a pig, one is able to imitate without his knowledge is snoring.

I never knew that I had started practicing this " art " till recently. Normally I have the bliss of sleeping the moment I hit the pillow. And my sleep is continuous till morning without any break. I could even sleep while traveling in KSRTC buses during my heydays. A few months back once I woke up in the wee hours of the morning. I got shock of my life.........! My wife who slept beside was missing. Even her pillow and quilt were not be seen. Somehow I mustered courage to console myself to go to the bathroom. After I returned , I finished drinking more than half a bottle of water kept on bedside and came out of the bedroom to investigate. My wife was seen sleeping on the sofa in the drawing room. I woke her up. And before I could ask her the reason for the unexpected behavior, she quipped " sorry , I could not sleep .....your snoring was too loud a a boar...." . My apologies, promises, cajolings and what not could not make her return to bed with me. And she knew that I was not able to control it once I fell asleep.

The mood during the morning tea session was not very cordial. She was very assertive to say " you have to do something to control this . Why not try some praanayaama....? "

She continued " you know , in USA, this is one of the reasons for divorces " . She didn't mean divorcing me for the same reason, I was confident. But I realized that it was high time to think of some remedy. As I browsed through the net, what she told seemed to be true. It said ..... quote ..... An unfortunate and sad truth ......snoring is the third leading cause of American divorces after infidelity and financial issues.....this in turn leads to lack of intimacy and partner bonding, and ultimately a grudge is held against the snoring partner.....unquote

The report sent shock waves through my mind. I thought that something should be done forthwith. The yoga could be a long term plan. But I wanted an instant remedy. I could see umpteen number of solutions. But first I thought of consulting my friend who is an ENT specialist. He could provide me with a few samples of nasal decongestant which I tried using It before going to bed. I made sure that my wife went to bed first. I sat through the nine o' clock TV news and the "crime file " of 10 PM. Both had the headline news of the star couples filing divorce petition in the family court. Though I was sure that the severing of their relationship was not due to snoring, the thought of divorce was quite disturbing. That night, I couldn't sleep for a while after lying down. That night our sleep was near normal. The first thing I asked her even before brushing my teeth was whether I "roared" during my sleep. My wife was non-committal as she was tired thanks to the previous night's sleep in arrears. But the fact that she could sleep in the same room with me was a matter of great satisfaction....

Two nights later the problem cropped up again. By then I had procured a nasal plug through mail order. I had to insert it through the nostrils before sleeping. It had certainly positive effect on snoring. I didn't snore at all........! But only problem was that I could not sleep even for five minutes because of the presence of extraneous matter in the nostrils. The situation was similar to Com. EMS' remark that he didn't stammer always , but only when he talked......!

After a search in net, I narrowed down on a simpler method to prevent snoring.  Before sleeping I fixed a strap below my chin and tied it above the head so that my jaw didn't drop while I was asleep. This was claimed as the best remedy by many through the internet. Before my wife could see it in the morning, I used to remove it. Since she did not complain about any disturbance, I thought the method was effective.

A few nights which followed were incident free. I had ensured that I slept only after she was fast asleep. I also took care to get up before she did.

After a month or so, she woke up and started making a big fuss about it. I think she had seen me with the strap for the first time. She would have had weird thoughts by seeing me lying down on my back, with my eyes closed and the chin strapped.......!

She told me that I should discontinue all my efforts to control snoring forthwith. That evening she procured a packet of cotton balls from the chemist shop. She started plugging both her ears before she slept. This practice still continues.........Should I further describe her as an epitome of tolerance, patience and love.....?

I do not know whether I still continue my extempore mimicry in my sleep.....!